Dear Friend,
This is only a part of my story. It's a moment where the unfailing, unending love of God patiently created an epiphany in my soul. From the fresh, crisp pages of a new book, "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp, my clouded vision cleared. On a blustery February afternoon, I curled in the front seat of our parked minivan. My youngest napped peacefully in the car seat while the older one played with Daddy on the playground. Here God launched the process of guiding me to a place of thankfulness...grateful for the the life I have because it is the life God has given me. Whether in "abundance or need, plenty or hunger" God is good. And I am thankful. And it is "here, I raise my Ebenezer."
So, read on, friend. Read my story, my thoughts and my prayers (which are italicized). May you find some encouragement from the words that follow. And when you are done...pick up that book. It will bless your life.
Blessings,
Katrina
Fall 2013.
My voice morphed from positive, encouraging, and hopeful to burdened, depressed, and despairing. The vice of our circumstances pressed in. No matter the struggling and pleading, little changed, the issues remained, increasing their pressure.
Financial Difficulty. Employment Problems. Bills. No change in sight.
Emotional Hurt. Unforgiveness. Bitterness. Anger. Feeling Alone and Isolated. All pressing in...squeezing intensely...increasing in measure.
"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair;" (2 Cor. 4:8, ESV)
Not crushed. Not driven to despair.
I smile. I try believing.
We'll be okay. God, you are good. You will rescue us.
I rise with hope, confidence, and trust. If I just keep my eyes focused on Him...
But...nothing's changed. Circumstances are not getting better. I crash down in despair with my eyes once again on my problems. All-consuming worry abounds.
Are you taking care of us?
The nagging doubt...the drowning faith. I am the father crying out "I believe; help my unbelief." (Mark 9:24, ESV)
Self-pity creeps like morning fog. What have we done to deserve this?
Comparison begins. Why do they prosper?
Unforgiveness. Anger. Jealousy. I'm lost in the forest of our circumstances. I know I only need to look up. God will guide me out.
Lift your head. Lift it up.
I can't. I'm too weak.
"But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,
my glory, and the lifter of my head." (Ps. 3:3, ESV)
Yes, God! Lift up my head! I can't do it. I can't. But You can! Remove my eyes from my circumstances. I cannot control them. Worry cannot fix my problems. Help me look to you. Teach me that you are good. Teach me to be grateful. Remove the bitterness from my heart.
Now we are getting somewhere.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor. 12:9-10, ESV)
I feel hope rising within me. Yes! Make me content in my weakness, in my hardships, in my inability to control. May I decrease and let you increase. Let your grace be sufficient.
Months elapsed. I struggle. I rise and stumble. I rise again and fall. Then finally...
I read a new book. In these pages God whispers.
This is only a part of my story. It's a moment where the unfailing, unending love of God patiently created an epiphany in my soul. From the fresh, crisp pages of a new book, "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp, my clouded vision cleared. On a blustery February afternoon, I curled in the front seat of our parked minivan. My youngest napped peacefully in the car seat while the older one played with Daddy on the playground. Here God launched the process of guiding me to a place of thankfulness...grateful for the the life I have because it is the life God has given me. Whether in "abundance or need, plenty or hunger" God is good. And I am thankful. And it is "here, I raise my Ebenezer."
So, read on, friend. Read my story, my thoughts and my prayers (which are italicized). May you find some encouragement from the words that follow. And when you are done...pick up that book. It will bless your life.
Blessings,
Katrina
Fall 2013.
My voice morphed from positive, encouraging, and hopeful to burdened, depressed, and despairing. The vice of our circumstances pressed in. No matter the struggling and pleading, little changed, the issues remained, increasing their pressure.
Financial Difficulty. Employment Problems. Bills. No change in sight.
Emotional Hurt. Unforgiveness. Bitterness. Anger. Feeling Alone and Isolated. All pressing in...squeezing intensely...increasing in measure.
"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair;" (2 Cor. 4:8, ESV)
Not crushed. Not driven to despair.
I smile. I try believing.
We'll be okay. God, you are good. You will rescue us.
I rise with hope, confidence, and trust. If I just keep my eyes focused on Him...
But...nothing's changed. Circumstances are not getting better. I crash down in despair with my eyes once again on my problems. All-consuming worry abounds.
Are you taking care of us?
The nagging doubt...the drowning faith. I am the father crying out "I believe; help my unbelief." (Mark 9:24, ESV)
Self-pity creeps like morning fog. What have we done to deserve this?
Comparison begins. Why do they prosper?
Unforgiveness. Anger. Jealousy. I'm lost in the forest of our circumstances. I know I only need to look up. God will guide me out.
Lift your head. Lift it up.
I can't. I'm too weak.
"But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,
my glory, and the lifter of my head." (Ps. 3:3, ESV)
Yes, God! Lift up my head! I can't do it. I can't. But You can! Remove my eyes from my circumstances. I cannot control them. Worry cannot fix my problems. Help me look to you. Teach me that you are good. Teach me to be grateful. Remove the bitterness from my heart.
Now we are getting somewhere.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor. 12:9-10, ESV)
I feel hope rising within me. Yes! Make me content in my weakness, in my hardships, in my inability to control. May I decrease and let you increase. Let your grace be sufficient.
Months elapsed. I struggle. I rise and stumble. I rise again and fall. Then finally...
I read a new book. In these pages God whispers.
Eucharisteo.
What?
Thanksgiving. To be grateful. Eucharisteo.
Guiltily, I chide myself. I know. I still have much to be thankful for.
No. Look more deeply. Eucharisteo.
I keep reading.
"And directing the crowd to sit down on the ground, he took the seven loaves and the fish, and having given thanks he broke them and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up seven baskets full of the broken pieces left over." ( Matthew 15:35-37 ESV, emphasis added)
Thanksgiving precedes the miracle. Jesus gave thanks. Then, a miracle.
I could use a miracle. If I learn thankfulness, will you change our circumstances?
That's not the point. Look more deeply.
"While they were eating, He took some bread, and after a blessing He broke it, and gave it to them, and said, "Take it; this is My body." And when He had taken a cup and given thanks, He gave it to them, and they all drank from it. And He said to them, "This is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many." (Mark 14:22-24 ESV, emphasis added)
At the Last Supper Jesus speaks of the work of salvation, the reason he came to earth. He gives thanks, and then, the miracle of the new covenant...the miracle of salvation. Thanksgiving precedes the miracle.
Thanksgiving precedes the miracle. What miracle?
It's there. In the word itself. Sandwiched in between "eu" and "teo" is a little word "charis." You see it? Eucharisteo.
Charis. Or Grace.
Grace. I prayed for that. Let your grace be sufficient. Grace in the midst of thankfulness. Thanksgiving precedes the miracle of His grace. Through thankfulness I become a willing recipient of His grace. His grace by which he keeps me, strengthens me, builds my faith, deepens my knowledge of His character, and increases my affection for Him. That kind of grace?
Yes. Look more deeply. There's more to Eucharisteo.
Chara. Or Joy.
Joy! I could use some joy. But how? How do I release my bitterness to express thanksgiving? My anger for joy? Or my worry for trust?
"For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need." (Phil. 4:11-12)
What's the secret?
Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving. Grace. Joy.
Thanksgiving rises to heaven. God's grace falls down. Joy fills my heart. This is exactly what I need!
It's not an exact science or a formula. It's a perspective change. It's a discipline. It takes practice. I'm still practicing. I'm practicing Eucharisteo.
What?
Thanksgiving. To be grateful. Eucharisteo.
Guiltily, I chide myself. I know. I still have much to be thankful for.
No. Look more deeply. Eucharisteo.
I keep reading.
"And directing the crowd to sit down on the ground, he took the seven loaves and the fish, and having given thanks he broke them and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up seven baskets full of the broken pieces left over." ( Matthew 15:35-37 ESV, emphasis added)
Thanksgiving precedes the miracle. Jesus gave thanks. Then, a miracle.
I could use a miracle. If I learn thankfulness, will you change our circumstances?
That's not the point. Look more deeply.
"While they were eating, He took some bread, and after a blessing He broke it, and gave it to them, and said, "Take it; this is My body." And when He had taken a cup and given thanks, He gave it to them, and they all drank from it. And He said to them, "This is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many." (Mark 14:22-24 ESV, emphasis added)
At the Last Supper Jesus speaks of the work of salvation, the reason he came to earth. He gives thanks, and then, the miracle of the new covenant...the miracle of salvation. Thanksgiving precedes the miracle.
Thanksgiving precedes the miracle. What miracle?
It's there. In the word itself. Sandwiched in between "eu" and "teo" is a little word "charis." You see it? Eucharisteo.
Charis. Or Grace.
Grace. I prayed for that. Let your grace be sufficient. Grace in the midst of thankfulness. Thanksgiving precedes the miracle of His grace. Through thankfulness I become a willing recipient of His grace. His grace by which he keeps me, strengthens me, builds my faith, deepens my knowledge of His character, and increases my affection for Him. That kind of grace?
Yes. Look more deeply. There's more to Eucharisteo.
Chara. Or Joy.
Joy! I could use some joy. But how? How do I release my bitterness to express thanksgiving? My anger for joy? Or my worry for trust?
"For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need." (Phil. 4:11-12)
What's the secret?
Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving. Grace. Joy.
Thanksgiving rises to heaven. God's grace falls down. Joy fills my heart. This is exactly what I need!
It's not an exact science or a formula. It's a perspective change. It's a discipline. It takes practice. I'm still practicing. I'm practicing Eucharisteo.
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